Snowfall

 

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It’s very hard to drive on the curvy mountainous roads during winter nights. Visibility is very low and due to snow deposited on the black tar increases the difficulty of drivers. But when you observe closely, you’ll rarely witness a lone vehicle on the road; they always travel in packs with one leading the way and others following the lead. The important thing is that they automatically develop a bond with the driver of wheels before them, a bond of unsaid trust, which is maintained throughout the journey.

Luv would have followed me anywhere, even in my darkest moment he was there for me. He trusted me with heart, with his soul and with his life and what did I do? I broke his trust, his heart and destroyed everything between us. I wish I could walk back in time and stop myself from doing all those things I did, but could I? This is the tricky thing about life, once an event has occurred neither you can change anything about it or you can stop the set of events following it. No matter how hard you try to stop them, they are destined to happen.

Tired of crying on my birthday; I was staring at the duskiness spread outside from my hostel window. The night was absolutely calm and anything, except the dense fog covering the entire valley, wasn’t visible. It is the first time in I don’t know how many years that I haven’t seen Luv on my birthday. He never missed my birthday but this year only one hour is standing to this day to be finished and another ordinary day to start. After everything that happened, everything I did there wasn’t even a one in a million chance that he will even agree to see my face.

I remember my first birthday with him; it was similar cold December night, he called me midnight and asked me to come upstairs. When reached there; I saw him standing there, under the dim staircase light, grinning back at me. It was freezing up there and he was trying to hide the chill he was feeling in his bones. His trembling hands were holding my favourite pineapple cake with a single candle burning on it. I couldn’t stop tears from wetting my cheeks; I had never felt so special.

He was very good at pulling surprises for me like he had learned how-to-woo-your-girlfriend-course from Nicolas Sparks himself. We sat there on the roof for hours; eating cake, holding each other under my shawl and taking about every constellation that would have been visible in the absence of fog. That was a perfect night and I cherish all of it.

For me being with him was everything, he was the world to me and I erased the existence of my world from my life. When I see these clouds, I feel like they are also constantly moving around the world in search of their soul mates and when they fail in achieving their only goal, they sacrifice their lives crying rain on people dwelling below on earth.

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Even clouds are more faithful than I was.

From what I see, Love brings out the weirdness in people but love itself is beautiful. Love makes lives happier but love itself is sad because not everyone can have a happy ending. There can be a mere sense of satisfaction in a lover when he or she spends all of their lifetimes happily with the person they love but, that’s not the end. One day everything will be sad again because the person with whom they were in love with lives no more and that is what we call a ‘tragic-end’, and then they will start to dream about meeting in, yet to be scientifically proven and I personally don’t approve this theory, afterlife or another world. Even some hopeless romantics believe in reincarnations and several other crazy kinds of stuff.

Basically, there is no romance in real life but only tragic stories.

I feel sadness in my bones but I couldn’t cry. Every time I try to sleep I somehow end up staring the emptiness and darkness around me. I looked back at my empty bed and somehow felt it staring back at me, terrified from the thought of walking bed I closed my eyes and pressed myself on the wall behind. I was losing the sense of time when I heard Whitney Huston on my cell phone singing and-I-eaa-will-always-love-you indicating an incoming call on it. I grabbed my phone and looked at the screen; it was the security guard at the front gate of the hostel. What have I done to receive a phone call from a security guard in the middle of the night, I wasn’t in the mood of talking to anyone so I pressed the silent button.

But it rang again; for sure it was something important else he wouldn’t have called twice so, I answered the phone.

“Hello”

“Rohini ji!!”

“What happened brother, why are you calling me at this time.” I surely recognised his voice and it sounded okay but then I heard some disturbance over the phone. I ran towards the balcony to see whether I could see anything happening on the main gate.

“Hello! Brother, can you hear me?”

“No, but I can. Rohini I’m sorry I didn’t called you this whole day but then you know I busy in catching trains and planes to reach here. But now I am here and I’ve your favourite pineapple cake with me. Your brother caught me climbing the boundary wall and he wouldn’t allow me to come inside, would you care to come out?”

At first, I couldn’t believe Luv was here but he was really here.

“No” I replied. I don’t know what came in my mind but I’m sure I said no to the only person I wanted in life. Maybe it was my guilt or my fear to face him that overcame my only wish to see him once again but I still have time to correct myself, “No, I would not only care but I would love to”. I said and I ran towards him through the hall ways and then the stairs. I ran as fast I could and within a matter of seconds I was standing in front of him, he hasn’t changed a bit except those facial hairs which weren’t there before when we met last time. I stood there staring at him, I love him and I’ve always loved him.

“You’re looking beautiful, even with those red swollen eyes” he smiled.

“Why don’t you shave?”

Just tell me I’m an idiot. Who asks this type of question? He was constantly looking at me and I couldn’t resist it so I lowered my eyes. I heard his footsteps and every step he took brought him closer to me. I felt his hands on my cheeks, they were familiar. I’ve waited for almost a year to feel this. I looked up, he was still holding my cheeks and I could feel his warm breath brushing my hairs. I closed my eyes and felt the touch of his lips on mine, a soothing sensation ran through my veins and I smiled gently as our lips departed.

Everything was new, everything was happy and I wanted to capture every moment with my eyes when I saw something white settling on his hairs. It was snow falling from the sky. It was first snowfall of this season, maybe clouds weren’t sad this time and maybe it was their way of telling me that now I have to wait no more, search no more because the person I love has crossed the oceans himself just for me.

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read previous chapters of this story by clicking here –

1.Always . Always ?

2.Judgement

 

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Half Photograph

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That half photograph

Which you glued on refrigerator

When you walked out on me

Still hangs over there, dejected.

That half photograph

Reminds me of our perfect happy days

Shared laughs, silent walks

only to be lacerated.

That half photograph

Still have no scratches or burns

Unlike me, my heart and my soul

desecrated.

That half photograph

I’ve of you from our picture together

Yearns for it’s another half

Like I do for you.

Bring me Back

“This is our payback to you for everything you did.”

Soon after that, I heard a BANG followed by a sensation of two hot bullets burning my skin and making their way around my intestines and all those other biological things. I could feel my warm blood trickling down from the holes those tiny bullets have created. Feeling of death taking away my life made me feel alive. Do I have any guilt? Yes, I have. I didn’t live enough with my little daughter. I won’t be there when she will recite ‘Humpty Dumpty’ on her annual day at school. I wouldn’t be there to teach her how to drive a bicycle, nor I will ever be there to wake her up and comb her hairs while she adjusts her school tie. I will never see her growing up; I will never see her again.

What I did to meet this fate? Well, I’ve all of my time to think about it.

As I was falling in arms of death, the wings of my mind were flying on their own; unguided by my conscience, they were flipping every single second of my day at work and diagnosing it for every possible fault I could have committed, knowingly or unknowingly like a pro medical examiner doing an autopsy. Every scene was replaying in my mind. I was riding back to my home when something hit me. Before I realized anything I was flat on the ground facing those shining yellow sodium street lamps.

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I was in pain; unable to even move my fingers, it was then when I saw her. She was walking in slow pace around me making herself appear as an angel of death, ready to eat my soul and I was not ready for any of it. Her dramatic walk made her look more ferocious but nothing that came out of her mouth made sense to me and here I was standing at another end of an approximately fully loaded pistol which is in the hand of a probably a psychotic woman with a high level of ethanol in her system.

“Good bye Mr.Police” she laughed hysterically, “This is our payback to you for everything you did.” I closed my eyes and accepted the darkness around me. Maybe I did a good job as a policeman but I failed as a father.

“D-A-D-D-Y”

I heard her calling me, my daughter is calling for me. I need to open my eyes, I need to see her, I need to grab her in my arms and tell her that now her daddy is back and he will make everything alright. Why aren’t my limbs helping me? Why aren’t my eyelids following commands of my brain as they are supposed to do? I could feel her little fingers touching my rough skin but why I am unable to move my hands?

“What is coma Daddy? They are saying you’re in a coma and soon you are going to God’s home to live with Mumma. Grannu is sad too and why are you covering your mouth with this thing? Are you angry with me Daddy?”

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No, you make me feel happy Mayuri not angry. Daddy will never be angry at you darling. Can you hear me? I love you more than anything in this world and I won’t leave you alone sweetheart, I won’t. My heart is crying but my eyes show no sign of pain. I could hear her but my lips won’t move to even call her name.

She just kept her head on my hand. I could feel her soft cheeks and silky hairs brushing my skin. What is this? Is this a random drop of water? or Is she crying? I can feel her head shaking, can someone stop her from crying please, I beg you. Stop crying darling, shh.. stop please, you will make daddy cry too. Don’t cry sweetie, it breaks me in thousand pieces seeing a single drop of tear in your eyes, don’t do this to your dad darling.

“D-A-D-D-Y, don’t go. I love you, talk to me.”

I still remember the day when she called me daddy for the first time, it was one of the happiest moment of my life. Every day when I return from work she used to run with me to where ever I walk unless I pick her up in my arms. How helpless I am right now! I can’t do a thing for my girl. Can’t I just open my eyes and look at her, call her name and bring back that crazy smile of her.

I can hear her cry, I can feel her tears struggling on my dry hands and before this heart of mine stops beating; before angels of death comes to commandeer my soul, I need to try one more time, harder than ever before. Just for my daughter, just for her.