“This is our payback to you for everything you did.”
Soon after that, I heard a BANG followed by a sensation of two hot bullets burning my skin and making their way around my intestines and all those other biological things. I could feel my warm blood trickling down from the holes those tiny bullets have created. Feeling of death taking away my life made me feel alive. Do I have any guilt? Yes, I have. I didn’t live enough with my little daughter. I won’t be there when she will recite ‘Humpty Dumpty’ on her annual day at school. I wouldn’t be there to teach her how to drive a bicycle, nor I will ever be there to wake her up and comb her hairs while she adjusts her school tie. I will never see her growing up; I will never see her again.
What I did to meet this fate? Well, I’ve all of my time to think about it.
As I was falling in arms of death, the wings of my mind were flying on their own; unguided by my conscience, they were flipping every single second of my day at work and diagnosing it for every possible fault I could have committed, knowingly or unknowingly like a pro medical examiner doing an autopsy. Every scene was replaying in my mind. I was riding back to my home when something hit me. Before I realized anything I was flat on the ground facing those shining yellow sodium street lamps.
I was in pain; unable to even move my fingers, it was then when I saw her. She was walking in slow pace around me making herself appear as an angel of death, ready to eat my soul and I was not ready for any of it. Her dramatic walk made her look more ferocious but nothing that came out of her mouth made sense to me and here I was standing at another end of an approximately fully loaded pistol which is in the hand of a probably a psychotic woman with a high level of ethanol in her system.
“Good bye Mr.Police” she laughed hysterically, “This is our payback to you for everything you did.” I closed my eyes and accepted the darkness around me. Maybe I did a good job as a policeman but I failed as a father.
I heard her calling me, my daughter is calling for me. I need to open my eyes, I need to see her, I need to grab her in my arms and tell her that now her daddy is back and he will make everything alright. Why aren’t my limbs helping me? Why aren’t my eyelids following commands of my brain as they are supposed to do? I could feel her little fingers touching my rough skin but why I am unable to move my hands?
“What is coma Daddy? They are saying you’re in a coma and soon you are going to God’s home to live with Mumma. Grannu is sad too and why are you covering your mouth with this thing? Are you angry with me Daddy?”
No, you make me feel happy Mayuri not angry. Daddy will never be angry at you darling. Can you hear me? I love you more than anything in this world and I won’t leave you alone sweetheart, I won’t. My heart is crying but my eyes show no sign of pain. I could hear her but my lips won’t move to even call her name.
She just kept her head on my hand. I could feel her soft cheeks and silky hairs brushing my skin. What is this? Is this a random drop of water? or Is she crying? I can feel her head shaking, can someone stop her from crying please, I beg you. Stop crying darling, shh.. stop please, you will make daddy cry too. Don’t cry sweetie, it breaks me in thousand pieces seeing a single drop of tear in your eyes, don’t do this to your dad darling.
“D-A-D-D-Y, don’t go. I love you, talk to me.”
I still remember the day when she called me daddy for the first time, it was one of the happiest moment of my life. Every day when I return from work she used to run with me to where ever I walk unless I pick her up in my arms. How helpless I am right now! I can’t do a thing for my girl. Can’t I just open my eyes and look at her, call her name and bring back that crazy smile of her.
I can hear her cry, I can feel her tears struggling on my dry hands and before this heart of mine stops beating; before angels of death comes to commandeer my soul, I need to try one more time, harder than ever before. Just for my daughter, just for her.